Thank you Pa...

Sobrang lungkot that I have to blog this. Yesterday (Sunday, April 17), I was so shocked that my father decided to leave and go abroad again to work. Akala ko he'll be staying here since parang ok naman na kami. Okay meaning all of us were working (Mama, Papa, Ajing and me) so he don't need to go back there. It's just sad na kahapon ko lang nalaman na tuloy pala sya na umalis. Kaya pala may malaking bag na naka-pack. I thought they will just spend Holy week sa Laguna, like the usual. Bigla na lang it hits me nung nagbibihis sya and he was asking kung anong mas ok na sapatos ang isuot. Bilang busy ako sa kaka-download ng albums, I didn't pay much attention and I just said "yung white na lang po Pa.", then tsaka ko lang narealize when he was talking to me about the house that I'm currently paying. His words are "Di pa ko makakapagpadala ng malaki pero magtulungan kayo ng Mama mo para sa bahay mo ha?" (He was pertaining to the house I bought) and I was like "Opo" (na super clueless kung bakit ganun ang linya nya), not until pumasok sya sa kwarto ko where my brother (Ajing) was there playing the Play Station and nagbilin na sya about the usual stuffs, "Magtrabaho ng mabuti at tulungan nyo ang Mama nyo ha? Magiingat kayo palagi".

Honestly, di kami super close ng Papa ko. Siguro nung bata ako, pero mas close ako sa Mama ko. Eversince bata pa kasi kami, Papa is always working abroad for us. Every 3 years umuuwi, minsan 2, minsan 4 pa nga. Never kami nakapagusap ng sobrang seryoso, yung tipong dibdiban, yung honest to goodness talk. I don't recall that I was sweet to him, sa mga old pictures namin na sobrang bata ko pa, ayun siguro, but growing up na malayo kami, walang father and son moments. But what I am very proud of is that never nya akong pinalo or sinigawan or pinahiya as in wala talaga. That is how my father is, sobrang bait.

I always see him as a very responsible man. Sobrang sipag na tao. Di mapakali kapag walang ginagawa, laging ang linis ng bahay, everything is fine. Pati food lagi kumpleto, never ako nagising ng walang luto. He always make sure na comfortable kami, lalo kaming mga anak nya. Eventhough I'm already working. lagi kong naririning bago sya umalis, telling my mom, "Sila Michael baka walang kainin ha, yung niluto ko andyan na iinitin na lang".  Meron pang time na every weekend na inuumaga na ko ng uwi from gimik, dadating ako and I will see my clothes na nakalaba na, nakasampay na., and never ko syang naringgan ng kahit anong reklamo. For us, life is a breeze with Papa.

I am just so thankful that I have a father like him. You might think ang drama ko, but seriously I'm crying while typing this. He went back to the Middle East just to help us, to make our lives more comfortable. I feel na I was not able to make him feel that I value him and I love him so much. Sabi nila, bata pa naman daw ang 50 years old, pero para sakin, if kaya ko lang I'll not let my parents work anymore. Kumbaga payback time ko na to. Pangarap ko nga actually na makapag retire na ang parents ko at the age of 50. Why? I've witnessed lahat ng hirap nila just to raise us (Tatlo kaming magkakapatid), and my parents really worked their assess out so hard just to give us what we need. We are not a well off family, and I know how hard it is for him na malayo samen, but then again my father loves us so much kaya he did it again. Salamat Papa.

I just saw this tweet from our youngest a few minutes ago and it makes me sad na di sya nakapagpaalam kay Papa before he left. Ric is on vacation right now (Laguna) since wala pang school. Eto yung tweet nya:

We love you Papa. 

It's so uncomfortable, I just need a space to rant.

Having some cancer sticks, thinking about a lot of things. It's so uncomfortable and it bothers me (If I say I'm bothered, I'm really motherfuckin' bothered). It has been  affecting me for few days already. Figuring out what the hell happened is tiring. Where was the disconnect? Awful. I don't get it. Judging me like I ain't no good at all is quite unfair. It's sad. The reality just hits me every time I think about it. I was not prepared for this. People should unlearn being conceited and try to think about others as well. I have been stabbed a lot of times, but this hurts the most.


Time has molded me to become who I am, and where I am now, since then, I've learned how to catch up with people's hang ups. But making people feel worst? That is soooo not me! You can tell it straight to my face that you don't freakin' care about me or what I say, but if you don't like me, why tell stories that I should be blamed for all of this? Eventually all your lies will catch up with you & you will be left with nothing... Let me know how that goes for you?


Well it already happened, and I must say I believe in karma, not bad but good karma and wait, it's just for me. Swear!



Guess I'm sooo tired of people complaining! It's a two way street, and I don't live my life to please everyone. I also have my own things going on! 

Why I don't blog...

I've always wanted to be part of the blogging community. For some reason, I find people who blog very smart, but I don't blog, so I'm not smart. haha. Why? It's just that writing is boring not my thing. Although people close to me thinks that I'm very expressive (14.5 megapixel of extrovertness), simple shout outs in my Facebook account or my Tweets are enough. There comes a point (but very rare haha) that I wanna share stories but I dunno how (bobo lang). It's kinda tedious, or its more appropriate to say that I'm so lazy to think about a certain event of my life, every details of it, and to write it about it. Another fact (that I really consider, as in, promise) is that people might not be interested about my blogs so I thought it's such a waste not a good idea at all. I have some entries in Multiply which I wrote about few years ago, but reading on it right now feels like "Ganun ba ko ka stupid?" "Dami kong lapses, kakahiya!" (Proofreader mode ang dating ko), so I thought that it's not really for me.

Ironic but now I have a blogger account, because of my friends Krissy and Eddii who inspires me (every time i read their blogs) and Ms. Bianca Gonzales (who I really love to the bones) to create this first Blogspot entry despite of my kabobohan fear (yes, I'm really afraid to write and be corrected). I'm a solid reader of their entries, and I'm really amazed how they are able to write such lovely, funny and even educational (yes I'm learning a lot from them) blogs. I always tell myself  "How I wish I'm like them who knows how to play with words and entertain whoever gets to read it" (aside from asking, "San ba nakakabili ng creative juices, bibili ako ng 10 gallons ng mainom") =) You may not expect very sensible interesting blogs from me, but I will certainly be myself and show you what I think feel is worth sharing. And I'm welcoming myself here at blogger.com. (Ako na lang talaga nag-welcome sa sarili ko? Pathetic. haha)

Wow, I just made my first entry. Very essay writing contest ang dating. hahaha